


why'd you only call me when you're high

by jenoswrlds



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Being High, Bittersweet, Established Relationship, Longing, M/M, Mentions of drugs, Song fic, Weddings, and my need for angst, i can't tag bye, inspired by artic monkeys, jeno is sad, so is hyuck, the ending is kinda sad ngl, they're in college but there is time skip, this is vague tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:06:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenoswrlds/pseuds/jenoswrlds
Summary: in which jeno lets donghyuck slip through his fingers
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 26





	why'd you only call me when you're high

**Author's Note:**

> -hiiii  
> -it's been a while ngl but i hope y'all like this  
> -this is like my first angst work so hopefully it isn't awful  
> -the lyrics are in italics  
> -enjoy!!

_The mirror's image, it tells me it's home time_

Jeno stares at the mirror, taking in his disheveled state. When did he become like this? Was he always so blunt? Sure, he regrets what he did, but it’s too late now. 

_But I'm not finished, 'cause you're not by my side_

He glances at the empty bed, the sheets taunting him softly. Oh, how Jeno wished he was still here. They always did have fun together. Jeno smiles faintly as he remembers their date nights in the bedroom, cuddled under the sheets, laughing at nothing, but everything. 

_And as I arrived I thought I saw you leavin', carryin' your shoes_

**Donghyuck**

The small smile Jeno has on his face slowly fades as he watches Donghyuck leave their apartment abruptly once again, barely sparing him a glance. 

“Where are you going?” he calls out in attempts for a conversation.

“Out.”

Jeno hears the door shut with a resounding thud. It was unusual for him to be so cold. He wonders what he did. 

_Decided that once again I was just dreamin' of bumpin' into you_

Jeno roams around the mall, feeling empty. Donghyuck had told him that he was busy, again. There seems to be a pattern, but Jeno is too stubborn to admit it. He won’t allow it. Right?

His head swims with confused thoughts, his eyes trained on his sneakers. Jeno feels a slight shove against his shoulder, accompanied by a tiny gasp and apology. He doesn’t even bother looking up as he waves his hand in dismissal. 

That’s funny, he thinks quietly to himself as he walks away. He could have sworn that it sounded like Donghyuck. Then, who was the other voice, laughing softly beside him?

_Now it's three in the mornin' and I'm tryin' to change your mind_

“Oh come on, Hyuck, that’s the fourth time you’ve turned me down this week!” Jeno yells, finally losing it over Donghyuck’s nonchalant denial. He stands up from the couch, breathing heavily as he glares at the other man’s back.

Donghyuck slowly turns around.

“That’s funny Jeno, I vividly remember you telling me you could care less about where I went?” Donghyuck questions as he stalks closer to Jeno.

Jeno frowns.

“Come on, you know I was-” Jeno stops his sentence abruptly.

“You were what? Finish your sentence. Joking? Like you were when you conveniently joked about our anniversary not being important in front of your ‘friends’? And when you said you forgot my birthday? God, you make me look like a fool.” Donghyuck says with sneer, but Jeno doesn’t miss the hurt glassing over his eyes. Donghyuck stands in front of Jeno, his index finger hooked under Jeno’s chin.

“If you really didn’t want me to leave, you would have stopped me ages ago”

Jeno watches him walk out. 

_Left you multiple missed calls and to my message, you reply  
"Why'd you only call me when you're high?"  
"Hi, why'd you only call me when you're high?"_

“Jeno, why are you calling me right now?”

“Hi, Hyuckie...I missed your voice” Jeno drawls quietly. He grasps his head as he feels it slowly throb. 

“Jeno Lee, are you high again?” 

“Why does it even matter?” Jeno asks. It shouldn’t matter, plus it’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. He just wants to talk to his boyfriend. 

“Why does it matter? WHY DOES IT MATTER? I don’t know Jeno, maybe it’s because you could care less about me until you’re high. I get nothing, NOTHING from you without asking for it! No talking, no emotions, no reactions, hell, you don’t even look me in the eye half the time we’re in the house. Is it that bad that I want some affection? I’m your fucking boyfriend? God, do you even realize how much you’re hurting me?” Donghyuck angrily whispers through the phone. Jeno hears voices in the background, faded murmurs. 

“Why do I even bother, you won’t remember this in the morning anyway…” he hears Donghyuck mutter out with an exasperated sigh, voice shaking slightly.

“Duckie?” 

Jeno’s ears perk up as he hears another man’s voice ringing through the phone. It sounds familiar, but he can’t for the life of him figure it out. After some hushed silence, he listens to Donghyuck’s voice once more.

“Bye Jeno, I have to go now…” Donghyuck whispers, before the line goes silent. 

Jeno chuckles unamused as he stares at the ceiling again. It’s funny, because he knew Donghyuck was right. He won’t remember this in the morning. It brings him a semblance of comfort as he closes his eyes.

_Somewhere darker, talkin' the same shite  
I need a partner, well, are you out tonight?_

“Let’s go on a date,” Jeno says softly, not making eye contact with Donghyuck. It’s been a while since they’ve gone out. Jeno can’t even tell if it’s out of love or just the fact that he hates that he’s losing someone he’s gotten used to. 

“Okay…” Donghyuck responds, finally breaking the silence. And as much as he knows that he shouldn’t, he can’t help indulge himself in Jeno. Just one more chance. 

_It's harder and harder to get you to listen  
More I get through the gears  
Incapable of makin' alright decisions, and havin' bad ideas_

Jeno winces as he hears the door slam, immediately followed by angry footsteps. He slowly notices Donghyuck coming into view, face fuming as he glares directly at Jeno.

He raises an eyebrow as he sees Donghyuck trying to calm down, breathing in quietly. It’s strange, Jeno thinks. Usually he’d be yelling by now. Jeno tilts his head in confusion. He should be mad...why is he not mad. Jeno’s thoughts wander as he curiously peers and Donghyuck.

Finally, Donghyuck looks back up at Jeno, but the eyes that usually held so much emotion looked so empty. In the back of his heart, Jeno feels a small pinch. Somewhere, it hurt to see a boy so vibrant become so dull. And maybe it was that part of him that tried to stop Donghyuck from walking away.

“Wait,” he softly called out, holding Donghyuck's wrist before he could walk out. Donghyuck swiveled on his heel, peering into Jeno’s eyes. 

“Why?” Donghyuck whispers. Jeno drops his wrist. It’s a question he couldn’t really answer. Would “he forgot” be a good enough answer? But a small part of him knew that was a lie. He knew there was a date tonight, but he chose to stay at home. And he knows that Donghyuck realized it the moment he arrived home. 

“If you don’t have anything to say, I’d appreciate it if you could let me leave,” Donghyuck says, breaking the stunned silence Jeno was under. Jeno looks at the honey colored eyes once more. The ones that used to curve into a smile now stared as coldly as the winter chill outside. Jeno knows that there is more to his words than what is heard, but he let’s him leave regardless.

Once again, he collapses in an empty apartment. 

_Now it's three in the mornin' and I'm tryin' to change your mind  
Left you multiple missed calls and to my message you reply  
"Why'd you only call me when you're high?"  
"Hi, why'd you only call me when you're high?"_

Jeno wanders the streets once again, paying no attention to the small snowflakes falling on his hair softly. He passes countless small cafes and stores on his walk. It’s odd. His heart hurts more than he thought it would. He wanted Donghyuck to pick up, yet all he got was a simple text. He supposes it’s deserved, but that didn’t lessen the blow. 

Peering into a cozy cafe, his eyes widen with shock as he sees Donghyuck laughing with another man. He feels something bubble up in him. Jealousy? Not really. It makes him uncomfortable as he continues to stare in shock. 

It’s been so long since he’s seen that radiant smile. The one where Donghyuck throws his head back, smiling with his whole face. The one where it lights up the whole room. He watches the other man look at Donghyuck in shock, but still containing a small, fond smile. Jeno watches, and watches, and watches, until he can’t anymore.

He walks away. 

_"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"_

Jeno asks Donghyuck, waiting for an answer. All he hears is radio silence, before a small whisper.

“You hurt me, ya know? More than you probably think” Donghyuck responds softly, ignoring Jeno’s question. But Jeno knows, he really does. He sat and watched as the light left his love’s eyes. 

Jeno lets out a humorless chuckle, before ending the call. No need to drag out a conversation that will only hurt them more. 

_"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"_

Jeno just stares at his phone, looking at Donghyuck’s texts from the night before. It was filled with anger, but there was so much hurt laced in between. Jeno throws his phone across the room, as sobs slowly bubbled up against his will.

Why?

_"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"_

Jeno knows he doesn’t deserve to feel jealous now, not when it’s his fault that Donghyuck left him. But he can’t help it. He can’t help but feel jealous that it’s Mark making him smile, not him. 

**Mark.**

Mark Lee, the boy that Donghyuck started to hang out with in the latter part of their relationship. The one who would make him smile like the sun again. The one who would kiss his tears away. The one who would pick up the pieces of Donghyuck’s heart that Jeno so carelessly shattered. 

Was it worth it? Driving him away in a haze? 

Jeno questions himself as he stares at the pictures Donghyuck sent him. It was cynical really if you think about it. Donghyuck still gives him a chance to be civil despite everything. But Jeno knows it’ll never happen, as he leaves Donghyuck on read for the hundredth time. 

He stares at the empty room, regretting everything. 

_"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"_

Jeno whispers to himself, rocking himself back and forth in the empty room. Hollow. He feels hollow as he tries to understand his surroundings through his tears. It’s cruel that he had to lose someone to know how much they mean to him. It’s worse to know that he isn’t the best for Donghyuck. Once upon a time, maybe. But, now? 

Now, Jeno knows that he, in fact, is not the best for Donghyuck. The boy who loved him more than anything, put up with everything Jeno threw at him. The one he was supposed to treat with more affection in the world, but Jeno tossed him aside. Broke him.

No, Jeno is not the best for him, and he’ll never be.

And with that Jeno, slowly deletes Donghyuck’s contacts, painfully ignoring the wedding invites he was sent. He would forget, he has to.

Jeno slowly closes his eyes, tears ceasing their stream across his face.

It was for the best...right?

**Author's Note:**

> -welp i hope y'all liked it haha  
> -see you next time (hopefully not like 5 months later lol)


End file.
